Again .... ?

Eli is at that age when growth comes at break-neck speed, two years old and almost three. When he does something he is particularly pleased with - or when you do - Eli will look at you earnestly and say, "Again...?"

That's just about where my life is these days. I am about to begin it yet again.

If I try to back-pedal and explain how I got to where I am, it would sidetrack me with detours and elaborations at some points because I do that sort of thing when I am trying to explain things. Suffice to say that I have managed to get from point A, a tiny little efficiency apartment in St. Petersburg, Florida, to point B.1, my granddaughter's home in Beloit, Wisconsin, where I have been awaiting my place in line to get into a new one bedroom apartment (point B) of my own since October. I am now Number 1 on the waiting list, have filled out all the paperwork, and now just wait for the apartment to become available. And wait.

And wait. The size and layout are very nice, and I have been on this waiting list for well over a year, having started out as number 126. The major appeal, however, is the location, location, location. This particular apartment complex is located about halfway between my daughter's house (Jinger took the photo of Eli, above) and Jaime's house, where I am now. It is behind the major local grocery, and close to just about everything I will need on a regular basis. Good to have, since my car, Ol' Augustus, is living out his life as a parts donor in St. Petersburg. It's still pretty far when walking is as difficult as it is for me, especially since, living in St. Petersburg for as long as I did, a person forgets there are hills in many locations on the planet. I do not do well with hills. Eventually I will have to get another car.

Except that it is so much fun, I am living in a sort of limbo. Most of what I have left from the move is stacked, piled, jammed and woefully inaccessible in Jaime and Chet's screened porch. That's okay, though. I have what I need and there is a Walgreen's nearby for those things I don't have on hand. None of my holiday stuff was unpacked or used this past season, but that's okay, too. Next year is coming and I love surprises. I have held off getting new doctors and insurance and other such things because I don't want to go through an immediate change of address, and as far as my refills at the drugstore on my Florida meds, I am 'vacationing.'

My family is a warm, comfortable and loving place to land. After being so much on my own in Florida, I find I am relaxing and enjoying myself - and them - even more than I expected. There are things that I just am not used to - and hope I will never be entirely 'used to' so that I take it for granted: I am considered. I am respected. I am appreciated. I am -- loved.

I help where I can. I look out for Eli several days a week while Jaime and Chet work, and I try to find things to do that will keep things on as much of an even keel as possible. I still require a lot of time by myself - that's just how my head is wired - and I really do miss my own home, where Liberty the Cat can have the run of the place that she doesn't have here. Jaime has a Schnottie - Schnauzer/Scottie mix - little dog that wants nothing more than to be friends with Liberty, who seldom ventures out of our room. He wants to play. Liberty wants to eat him. She's begun to venture out at night, when Jame and Chet keep the dog with them downstairs. Before I go to sleep, though, she has to be securely inside our room because no morning should see the havoc she would raise if she ran into Coco on one of her wanderings!

I realized this morning that I miss my cooking. Jaime does cook - and cook well - but every family has its style. They are Miracle Whip, I am Hellmann's. They are baking-powder biscuits, I am Jiffy Mix. I find vegetables interesting. They find them pushed to the side of their plates at the end of a meal. I like soups and chowders and stews and -- they don't. I help in the kitchen where I can, but somehow my attempts just don't seem to disappear as quickly as Jaime's home cookin.'

So I get to remake myself ....again. There's a Winterfest coming up -- I was reading about it in the paper. There will be an 'Open Mike' night - once a big part of my life in Florida. But I'm older now, and I don't know that I will find an audience for poems that I was sure of once. The remaking will come. I expect it will be slow, and with any luck, it will be the final make-over. It will be interesting to see who I turn out to be, again ...











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